ღ - " Owww... Come on... " - ღ

A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery store. As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, "Son, Can You tell me where the Post Office is?"

The little boy replied, "Sure! Just go straight down this street a couple of blocks and turn to your right."

The man thanked the boy kindly and said, "I'm the new pastor in town. I'd like for you to come to church on Sunday. I'll show you how to get To Heaven."

The little boy replied with a chuckle. "Awww, come on... You don't even know the way to the Post Office."

ღ - " Wedding Cake " - ღ

A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water."

"But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"

A 65-year-old man in the front row stood up and said, "Wedding cake."

ღ - " Take off my bra... " - ღ

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.

Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.
For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels."

The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.

One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return.

Two o'clock and no hired hand.

Finally he returned a round two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the
rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.

She quietly called him over to her..

"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.

Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots."

He did as she asked, ever so slowly.. "Now take off my socks."

He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.

"Now take off my skirt."

He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.

"Now take off my bra..."

Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.

Then she looked at him and said,


 "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired." 

ღ - A Woman's Prayer - ღ

Lord, before I lay me down to sleep 

I pray for a man, who's not a creep; 

One who's handsome, smart and strong, 

One who's willy is thick and long. 

One who thinks before he speaks, 

When he promises to call, he won't wait weeks. 

I pray that he is gainfully employed, 

and when I spend his cash, won't be annoyed. 

Pulls out my chair and opens my door, 

Massages my back and begs to do more. 

Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind, 

Knows just what to say, when I ask "How big's my behind?" 

One who'll make love till my body's a twitchin, 

In the hall, the loo, the garden and kitchen! 

I pray that this man will love me to no end, 

And never attempt to shag my best friend. 

And as I kneel and pray to my bed, 

I look at the creep you sent me instead. 

Amen.