July 30, 2011

xx-- Jokes -- >>


BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.


GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...


GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number?



GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple


BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon?


BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there?


SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning
Kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the
Cigarette out of his mouth.



MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.




WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear
And comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both
Ears and comes out of the mouth.



MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andrew says I'm ugly. What
Do u think,
Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.



 Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and
No one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again
Yesterday".


 Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun
Or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need
It but the sun gives us light only in the day time
When we don't need it".


Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on
Talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".


Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have?"



My father is so old that when he was in school,
History was called current affairs.


Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father
Is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".



Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father
That I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared,
Past year's performance repeated".



Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a
Donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be
Showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".



 Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say
Prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good
Cook".


Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering
Doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show
That nine out of ten people die of the disease you
Have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others
All died".


Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of
COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married
On the same day and at the same time."


Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped
Down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand.



Have a nice day!

Finger exercises to avoid Depression!






VERY EFFECTIVE!




July 29, 2011

♥ - " And then the fight started ... " - ♥



My wife sat on the couch next to me while I was flipping channels.
She asked: "- The What's on TV? " 
I said, "- Dust." 
And then the fight started ...
 
 ======= =======
 

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for her birthday that was near 
She said: "- I want something that goes from 0 to 100 in about 3 seconds." 
I bought her a scale. 
And then the fight started ...
 

=================
 

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive. 
So I took her to the rank of gasoline. 
... And then the fight started
 

=================
 

 
After retiring, I went to in order to receive my Social Security benefit. The woman who asked me for my ID to verify my age. I checked my pockets and realized I had left at home. He told his wife he was sorry, but would have to go home and come back later. 
The woman said: "- Unbutton your shirt." 
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly hair  silver.
She said, "- That silver hair on your chest is proof 

enough for me 'and she processed my Social Security. 
When I got home, I excitedly told what had happened to mywife.
She asked: "- Why do not you dropped your pants You could have gotten disability, too, help .. ". 

... then the fight started
 

=================
 

The woman is standing nude, looking in the mirror in the bedroom. She is not happy with what he sees and says to her husband: "- I feel horrible, I look old, fat and ugly. I really need a compliment." 
The husband replies, "His vision is most perfect!" Then the fight started ...
 

==================
 

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, 
took my order first. "- I'll have the steak, medium rare, please." 
He asked: "- Are not you worried about Mad Cow" 
"- No, she can order." 
And then the fight started ...
 

== =================  
 
  The husband returns after a doctor's consultation and wife all 
  worried, ask him: "- And then, what the doctor told you?" 
  Suddenly, he replied: "- Starting today, we will not make more love,

 I am forbidden to eat anything heavy." 
  And then the fight started ...
 
=================== =



 received this email and my wife heard me laughing 
and asked what it was. He said he received a funny thing .
 She read. And the fight started ...